Sunday, July 29, 2012

Thursday, July 26, 2012

a few tangents i have been updating a lot clearly second year is not working me hard enough.

1. i was checking out some of my old posts and checked up on military guy's youtube channel. (i'm not sure which branch he's in) he's got a few more interesting videos, and more importantly he has some fitness ones where he's shirtless!! thank god he's trying to appeal to old internet trolls like me. i also liked the message of this non-shirtless one. anyway he seems like a really nice guy and i hope he finds a nice boyfriend.

2. i spent the other morning trolling some blogs and tumblrs and i was thinking how interesting it would be if we could get all these gay/closeted bloggers and commenters together in one room. a lot of you seem to be thoughtful, interesting guys and it's like, why can't i meet guys like that in real life. what would it be like if we weren't separated by time and space and you, yes you, the man/woman/robot reading these very words of my blog right now, could be in my living room right next to me? what sort of dialogue would we have?

then i was thinking what if we had some crazy gay/closeted/bi convention and all met up. that would be a trip. then i thought about how awkward that would really be haha. just the few losers like me who would show up thinking it was a good idea, only to be strikingly wrong. what the hell would we even do to identify ourselves? wear name tags with our usernames? yea very fun that would be...

once i went to visit some friends in college and we ended up going out to eat late at a diner. at a table nearby was this group of 10 or so people, some of whom were dressed kind of bizarre and definitely the whole group very heterogeneous to say the least. my friends and i were wondering, who or what the heck could bring these people together. then one of my friends whispers, "they're a WoW group! they're always here!" and the rest of us in hushed tones said, "ohhhh."

if you don't know what WoW, is it's world of warcraft. if you don't know what that is, bless your heart. i guess these people happened to live in the same area and wanted to meet in real life to discuss the game they loved. which, while dorky, i admired. these people, who really truly, had probably nothing in common except playing wow, became friends online and wanted to meet each other in person. and despite probably not looking like people they'd hang out with otherwise, there they were in the diner, with their laptops and wifi playing wow, having a good time, and not giving a shit what anyone else thought. i liked it.

if i could have any mutant power my first choice would be the ability to teleport and the second would be to fly, and both because i want to break down the physical distance that separates me from the ones i want to be with. wouldn't it be interesting if someone's physical location wasn't a factor in your relationship with them? what if it turns out the perfect guy for me lives in sweden? the internet has made the world a smaller place, but so much bigger, too.

by the way i've noticed some of my readers come from some pretty rad far-off countries. i think it's pretty cool to have readers all over the world. maybe they just randomly got here chasing the pictures of the pretty boys i post occasionally but i like to think they are reading my posts a big american hi to all my international readers, in whatever your native language is!

3. number 2 was too long so i'll save my other tangents for later. i will close by sharing this guy i found while trolling tumblr the other day. you can really get lost for hours in those never-ending links to pictures of hot guys...

his name is marco dapper and he's some model/actor guy who is just too good-looking and perfect for his own good. i'll let you troll this extensive LINK to more pictures of him yourself. there is also a YOUTUBE clip of this gay-themed movie he was in where he drops trou. fuck. i don't really know whether to curse the gods for not making me like him or thank them for at least blessing us with physical specimens like him to ogle. unfortunately i found an interview that confirms he is for the ladies only..

Sunday, July 22, 2012

a few thoughts i'd like to soapbox on..

the colorado shooting is horrible. i'll be interested to see the investigation into his motives. clearly insane, to say the least. (sorry, i'm not a lawyer, the insane that doesn't get you off crimes scotfree.) i know no politician will touch the issue of gun control, but i wish someone would do something about our gun laws. yall into your guns can just shut it because there is no reason that someone should need or legally be able to buy 4 guns in the span of 3 months (reports say he bought all his guns since may). nor should any private citizen have the need to buy a semi-automatic assault rifle for any reason. why is our country so insane that we are OK with gun laws like that? i am a physician and my duty is to protect and safeguard the sanctity of life. and yet any crumbum can go out and purchase these tools of death and ignorantly destroy lives in a matter of seconds. it's senseless. yes this guy was a psychopath and if he really wanted to mass murder he would have found other ways to do it but i just don't get this country's obsession with guns. some say the media just doesn't report the incidences when guns used in self-defense deter a would-be crime, but i'm sure there are just as many accidental shootings...for example google the news story of the cop who shot and killed his own son because he thought his son was an intruder. if i needed a story to inspire less confidence in the average citizen having ownership of a lethal weapon.

my other thought was on God. capital G God. watching the news reports of survivors and such talking about God, and even a blog post written by a mother who was in the attack (HERE) actually nullified my belief in a god, much less a merciful god. i best describe my religious views as agnostic and i've always had a vague belief in God...maybe...kind of waiting to find my moment with God to make me a true believer to put it in the best terms to those who ask. i admire those with faith and who find strength in their faith especially in tragedies such as this. but for me, even with all the horrific tragedies going on around the world that would make any sane person question a higher power, this particular incident really just stamped any faith in me of any sort of sense or being looking out for our greater good. not that i don't want to believe in a higher power. i would like more than anything to have faith, faith in anything, but at this point in my life it just hasn't happened for me...and certainly i don't see how incidents like this inspire even greater faith in people.

also i wonder why is it ok for God-loving folk to foist their beliefs on others. i have quite a few devoted people who like to post about their faith on facebook (which is where i got linked to that blog post). i don't have a problem with it, but it is interesting that it is socially acceptable for them to post about God and things like that in a rather public forum. whereas for example if i were to post something like this or you know, not in general give props to God that probably wouldn't be looked on fondly. maybe i just need to be friends with more heathens...

a quote from the movie "Blood Diamond" has always stuck with me. "Sometimes I wonder, will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Then I look around and I realize...God left this place a long time ago."

so that's a sampling of my thoughts on God and religion. this is not to mention all the religious crap loaded against gays...

anyhoo, enough serious stuff. i signed up for last week after deciding what the hell, and also since another blogger seems to have found a great guy off it. no luck yet but i'll give it a shot. i am determined to find a boyfriend this year!! i was kinda bummed cuz i had signed on about a week before i signed up for real and there were some emails waiting i wasn't privy to yet. you need to be a full member to see emails but i wasn't ready to take the plunge. then when i finally did sign up i guess the emails had expired cuz they were gone! what if one had been from my match soul mate? stupid universe.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

hello all..avert your eyes from this post if you are easily shamed. just thought i'd share this pornographic pic from seancody. (no actual privates so i guess it's softcore!?) i think it is incredibly hot. they both have great bodies but that top has a perfect ass and beautifully defined back muscles. i'm a fan of all muscles (who isn't) but i especially find a well-defined back very sexy. anyway, enjoy!

Friday, July 13, 2012

oldie but goodie...always been more of a ryan lochte fan but you can't deny phelps has a great body too. happy friday!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

maybe it's just cuz it's the start of second year, but i'm trying to turn my life around. kinda taking the new academic year as a time to refresh things and start some midyear resolutions. one of the more important ones i think is to keep a positive attitude. especially in medicine it's easy to become jaded by sick patients and start getting into a culture of negativity. maybe it was the end of intern year but i could tell all my coworkers were starting to feed into that and get burnt out by the long year we had. i was getting pretty grumpy too. but i don't like negative energy and the way it makes me feel so i'm gonna try to stay positive this year even if my entire service is made up of trainwrecks. you just feel better when you're around other positive people so i'll try to maintain a culture of positivity and happiness with my coworkers.

even outside the workplace the world seems like such a negative place and i hate that. american politics is a mess, you look at internet user comments and people are just complete uncivil asses, half the posts on facebook are people complaining about something, and of course there are all the gay sites with guys and their unnecessarily sassy profiles. just too much bad karma and so i will try more to be a force of good!

in somewhat related news, i went out and saw this guy off okcupid a few times. i was chatting up a guy who we had some mutual attraction and we met up last week. the first few times went pretty well, but i don't think he's my type for a long term relationship. he's said some things that are already kind of red flags for me that i could see becoming problems down the line. besides that i don't think he's quite masculine enough for me. i am by no means a big macho masculine guy but i'd like my guy to have a certain level of masculinity. if anything i think it's just cuz his voice isn't deep enough. (i've talked about my voice fetish HERE)

i will probably try to see him one more time to give things a shot. if not then i'll let him know i'd rather just be friends. one other thing i'm gonna try to do is be real and communicate in my relationships. i'd like to give every relationship some meaningful closure. i think everyone deserves at least that. i was reflecting on that and i think so often we leave things unsaid, avoid facing the hard truths and each other, and just don't talk to each other. i'm realizing that's probably not a mature way to approach things so i'm gonna try to man up and be real. it's like what they say in the opening for the real world show -- "when people stop being polite...and start getting real!"

i've especially realized this in talking with patients. no one wants to talk about cancer or other tough issues, but when you have that conversation, i think patients appreciate docs being frank and open. and i've found it's much easier with practice. so i will try to translate that communication thing to my personal life.

i have some other personal/academic goals that i'm gonna try to get on top of but i'll spare yall sharing those too. i would encourage everyone to refresh yourself and think about what you can do to make yourself a better, happier person and how you can go about doing it today!

..damn i still think that drummer is really cute.

Monday, July 2, 2012

i read all the comments you guys leave on my blog, which i'm very thankful for, and i was thinking about the recommendations some of you have left about meeting new guys. i have tried to be more proactive about messaging guys who are even somewhat appealing to me though nothing has come of it as of yet. any good tips on how to open up an online conversation? there's always that boring drivel of "how are you/what's up/how's it going" or variation as such. small talk is already painful in real life, and i think without being able to gauge real chemistry online it's even harder to get something going between messages. maybe i'm just an awkward guy in general.

anyway i'll keep giving the online forum a shot. i'm still debating whether to sign up for i suppose 20 bucks a month isn't the worst thing i could spend my cash on, but i have a feeling the type of guys i'd be interested in wouldn't shell out the money for it either. my other thought was to try joining one of these gay interest groups. not exactly sure what i'd be up for but it'd be worth a shot. i might try actually hitting up some gay bars maybe during off days or happy hour for a drink but i just have a feeling i'd just feel depressed like a creep sitting there getting a drink by myself.

what i'm really curious to know is how guys in nice stable relationships initially met. that would at least give me some idea of what the hell i need to do to have a man asleep next to me every night. clearly i'm just grasping at straws here.

alright i realize my last few posts have been all whiny and angsty. i will try to avoid such posts in the future and focus on the positives. btw i'm officially done with intern year so that is something i'll need to write about. crazy year but i'm excited even more for second year!

o yea i saw this picture on the dudetube tumblr ( i don't have a singlet or jock strap fetish but you gotta admit that's pretty hot. this poor OSU guy though, he probably has no idea he's being paraded as a gay guy's wet dream hahaha.