i watch a lot of porn, and while most of the time i'm focused on you-know-what, sometimes that annoying logical side of my brain interrupts my mindless lust. one thought that seems to cross my mind is the drawbacks of having a big porn star-sized dick. i love just watching a nice dick go into those sexy places as much as the next guy, but i wonder what it must be like to be an owner of a well-sized dick.

i am happily average myself, but still have a tendency for random boners despite not being a middle school boy, which can be somewhat of a problem. we intelligent folk in medicine have come up with the term scrub boner to describe the unwanted erections that always seem to occur when you're in scrubs. if you've never worn scrubs before, it is a very flimsy material for hiding a boner. you might as well be wearing nothing, and i've had my share of awkward situations trying to keep scrub boner under wraps. so i must wonder what those men with sizable dicks do when their scrub boner is too much to hide. not that dress pants are much easier to hide a hard cock in. my point is, i find myself plagued too often with disguising my average-sized boner, but i imagine it must be an even bigger nuisance when you've got a snake crawling halfway up your legs. with all the emphasis on size out there i'm sure those well-endowed guys will take the trouble of the occasional random boner, but i dunno, it's gotta be somewhat of a pain in the ass right? (pun intended..ba-dunk)

those willing to share your random boner stories, please do..we all need a little more wood in our lives....

a lot of updates and random thoughts i wanted to share with yall. i've been on vacation but now back to the grind..

1. i went to coachella, which was an amazing experience (and i wasn't even on drugs). damn were there some hot guys there. it made me feel a little old (and i'm only in my mid 20s) and also wonder why every guy but me seems to have a hot gym bod. just out of curiousity, not even lust, i want to ask these guys with perfect bodies if they are just genetically blessed or if they actually work their butt in the gym to get those perfect abs and chests. motivation for me to hit the gym. (yea right)

 2. i was on a night flight to my next vacation destination and i was doing something pretty ordinary like reading the airplane magazine when i had one of those moments. i glanced out the window and was immediately enraptured by this beautiful panaroma of the night sky filled with a million stars i forgot had existed.

adding to the beauty of the moment was this perfect song that i hadn't really paid much attention to before then. a soaring piece that is really an amazing song on its own. the lyrics fit so many things. it's called "Steve McQueen" by M83.

http://www.myspace.com/m83/music/songs/steve-mcqueen-83670177 
(i know i'm linking to myspace like it's 2003 but the song is blocked on youtube)

anyway, i was alternately filled with hope, awe, longing, and reflection. it was one of those moments in which you feel your life bursting open with possibility and you wish you could share it with the world --- or at least someone you love.

3. the rest of my vacation was muy fun. stayed with one of my med school friends and as he was working a lot, explored the city a bit on my own. since i was alone, i took that opportunity to check out the gay bars in town. i wasn't expecting much, but it turned out well.

i've been wanting to dance with another guy for the longest time and i finally got the chance. not like i'm one of those guys who loves to go out and dance (actually i have to be pretty drunk to be forced out there), but i see dancing as essentially foreplay to sex, and i love sex. so, i've always wanted to try dancing with another guy as i always figured it would be way more interesting than dancing with a chick.

and boy it was. i ended up making awkward chatter with this guy and as it turns out we were both interested in each other but had to play that initial game. we went to dance and i'm sure we were pretty scandalous even for gay club standards. at least any wallflowers there could enjoy voyeuring the very clear cock outlines in our jeans as we grinded up on each other. i'll just leave it at that and yall can use your imagination for the rest.

4. i told the first person i'm gay. (besides the men i've been with) i decided to just break the seal and tell a coworker who i knew would be cool with it. it went well...really a very practical discussion as you could imagine between two doctors. the funniest thing i found about the whole thing was all the congratulations i got for coming out. like i really want congratulations for liking cock. while i understand where it was coming from and appreciated the support, it just reinforced how i just don't feel the need to make my sexuality a big thing. surprisingly i didn't have much of an emotional reaction to finally revealing my "big secret". no catharsis, no sense of relief, no weight off my shoulders. it was nice to do it, but should there have been a little more oomph? you tell me. i think part of that lack is that i came out to myself and have been finding that self-acceptance a while ago...which is the hardest thing initially for us closet cases? now it's just a matter of sharing that with the world. i at least have some momentum now and i plan to tell more close coworkers when i get a chance.

also i just wanted to take this chance to shout out to the writer of my double life. among the blogs i read, he's really been the biggest inspiration to me and having him share his experiences about coming out in college has slowly given me the courage to finally take my own baby steps. thanks for taking us on your ride! you've ended up being a great role model.

5. i found out an old fuck buddy from medical school is now HIV+. he got this from a new guy he was dating, long after i had left town. i've tested negative well beyond the window so i'm not worried, but i was shocked to hear the news. in the same time frame i also found out another friend got pregnant, a girl i thought would never be the type to get knocked up so easily. i guess the moral here is, don't think it won't happen to you. ahhhhhh you'd think in the year 2012 we'd come up with better condoms to avoid business like this!

somehow this man has missed my radar for the past few years.

his name is matt bomer and he's the star of some USA show and recently guest starred on glee. i am by no means a gleek (i actually find the show quite annoying if not vile..) but i do like indie music and got linked to their recent cover of gotye that he performed in. so mr. bomer is one of those dang guys who won the genetic lottery and got smokin looks, a great bod, and apparently a pretty good singing voice too.

thankfully it turns out he is gay in real life and he came out recently and has a nice man and some kids already. i'm sure all the ladies who found out were thinking, 'dammit! all the good ones are gay." and to that, i say amen! just do a google images search of him and enjoy...here i'll even link it for you.

hey all
happy easter! a co-worker was talking about taking his kids for an easter egg hunt and that kinda stuff and i was thinking...gee an easter egg hunt sounds kinda fun! i don't think i've done one since i was like 7 but thinking about it the idea seems pretty entertaining...i'm such a dork.

anyway it's been a pretty stressful/busy week or so at work. started a new service with one of those attendings (aka my boss for you non-medical guys) who expects you to know everything and you gotta be on your A game, had to prepare for this lecture i'm giving this week, and i'm taking step 3 tomorrow. i should be in bed already to get ready for this thing but can't get to sleep. with all that going on i've been crazed and sleepless. o yea and i dropped my phone the other day and cracked the screen pretty badly.

first world problems i know but i'll be happy when this week is over and i can take a breather. in some personal life news, i've been seeing the guy i've been intermittently hooking up with since i moved here more often. (recall this was the guy who was fucking arond with me while he was still in another LTR) while our relationship is still based pretty much around the sex, we at least talk with each other more to make it more on a level slightly above 'fuck buddies'. (not that much higher though.) who knows where this will go. is it ever really a good idea to date a known cheater?

in unrelated news, i found out a urology resident i've had a crush on all year has indeed been happily married. there goes my fantasy of him cornering me in a hospital stairway to blow me.

it's been awhile since i heard this song. it came on shuffle the other day and after hearing it again i've been obsessing over it. perfect lyrics and perfect attitude. that's what i want!

new sports boy crush:

aaron craft of the OSU men's basketball team. great athlete and a great student too. according to his wiki he was valedictorian of his high school and both a football and basketball star before he decided to focus on basketball for college. a smart, talented athlete, that's a hot combination.

everybody has their type, and while my type happens to be just about anyone with a dick between their legs, the latest guy off seancody really gets my jeans tight. cute facial scruff, perfect amount of body fuzz, hot body, puppy dog looks, and oh yea his dick's not bad either. some guys got all the luck in the genetic lottery. anyway i know looks aren't everything in a relationship but i wouldn't mind waking up to someone like him every day. actually it was a funny coincidence 'cuz after i was lusting at this guy's pics the other day i was out later that night and saw a guy with similar looks..maybe that was god nudging my perfect guy in my direction and i should have said hi?