maybe it's just cuz it's the start of second year, but i'm trying to turn my life around. kinda taking the new academic year as a time to refresh things and start some midyear resolutions. one of the more important ones i think is to keep a positive attitude. especially in medicine it's easy to become jaded by sick patients and start getting into a culture of negativity. maybe it was the end of intern year but i could tell all my coworkers were starting to feed into that and get burnt out by the long year we had. i was getting pretty grumpy too. but i don't like negative energy and the way it makes me feel so i'm gonna try to stay positive this year even if my entire service is made up of trainwrecks. you just feel better when you're around other positive people so i'll try to maintain a culture of positivity and happiness with my coworkers.

even outside the workplace the world seems like such a negative place and i hate that. american politics is a mess, you look at internet user comments and people are just complete uncivil asses, half the posts on facebook are people complaining about something, and of course there are all the gay sites with guys and their unnecessarily sassy profiles. just too much bad karma and so i will try more to be a force of good!

in somewhat related news, i went out and saw this guy off okcupid a few times. i was chatting up a guy who we had some mutual attraction and we met up last week. the first few times went pretty well, but i don't think he's my type for a long term relationship. he's said some things that are already kind of red flags for me that i could see becoming problems down the line. besides that i don't think he's quite masculine enough for me. i am by no means a big macho masculine guy but i'd like my guy to have a certain level of masculinity. if anything i think it's just cuz his voice isn't deep enough. (i've talked about my voice fetish HERE)

i will probably try to see him one more time to give things a shot. if not then i'll let him know i'd rather just be friends. one other thing i'm gonna try to do is be real and communicate in my relationships. i'd like to give every relationship some meaningful closure. i think everyone deserves at least that. i was reflecting on that and i think so often we leave things unsaid, avoid facing the hard truths and each other, and just don't talk to each other. i'm realizing that's probably not a mature way to approach things so i'm gonna try to man up and be real. it's like what they say in the opening for the real world show -- "when people stop being polite...and start getting real!"

i've especially realized this in talking with patients. no one wants to talk about cancer or other tough issues, but when you have that conversation, i think patients appreciate docs being frank and open. and i've found it's much easier with practice. so i will try to translate that communication thing to my personal life.

i have some other personal/academic goals that i'm gonna try to get on top of but i'll spare yall sharing those too. i would encourage everyone to refresh yourself and think about what you can do to make yourself a better, happier person and how you can go about doing it today!

..damn i still think that drummer is really cute.