Thursday, January 26, 2012

i woke up this morning (on my day off) to some couple downstairs having a shouting match at each other. i was pretty upset, especially 'cuz usually nothing wakes me up from sleep, but it was kinda interesting to hear their muffled screams go on for about 15 minutes. and then silence for a half hour before they started up again. (what was going on in that half hour?) i'm not one to lose my temper or shout, so it's always kinda interesting for me to see other people do it. not that i haven't wanted to scream at work sometimes...

anyway i read this article the other day and found it to be very romantic. isn't that what we all want? some of the other love stories in this piece were pretty good too.

i am pretty much a hopeless romantic at heart so it's always nice to read stuff like that. the first blog i ever read dealing with being gay and closeted and all that was "A Gay Athlete's Life" and it's been amazing to see him go from a closeted athlete now to coming out in public with his boyfriend. that's what i feel like i need..a man behind me to support me in this whole thing.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

january christmas tree finally comes down....

it's funny how it is when you're swamped you always want to put off the productive things you know you're supposed to do but then when you do actually have free time you just want to sit on your ass and jerk your cock. (at least that's how i am)

anyway....saw this pic the other day...could use a guy like that to do my shit.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I mentioned in an old post that seancody is one of the porn sites I check out regularly 'cuz I think the guys are always pretty hot. Anyway if you follow the site at all, you'll know they usually always have protected sex...which is a good thing and good example to be setting. Recently though they started having their first bareback scenes and I'm not really sure how I feel about that. Yes I've had my bareback experiences but I'm always filled with that insane paranoia afterwards and as a healthcare professional I certainly cannot advocate unsafe sex. I just don't really know how I feel about seancody now glamorizing their bareback vids like it's some sort of special occasion. It's definitely not setting a good example and just perpetuates the idea that bareback sex is somehow hotter than safe sex. Why is a condom so unsexy? What is so unsexy about wanting to stay healthy and protecting yourself from god knows what out there? ah the controversy...

....Truthfully though I do find something really hot about bareback sex. BUT ONLY WITH A MONOGAMOUS PARTNER.

Interesting thing is, I am always completely turned off when I see straight porn with condoms...My straight porn must be condom-less, anything else is just weird. Not really sure why I have that double-standard. I mean I would hope that straight porn also goes through vigorous testing to protect their models from disease, but I just care less about the example they're setting for straight folk. And obviously if straight porn can fuck bare and protect their models without them getting all diseased, then gay porn can take similar steps to protect their actors so what's the big deal if they fuck bare.

I dunno, I guess I just think gay guys are more impressionable and if the porn they watch is all bare they'll be more inclined not to wrap too. Am I totally being crazy about this?

Sunday, January 8, 2012

happy new year yall. i finally have a day off after what felt like forever so i felt like i should update my blog now before another month passes before i get a chance.

besides working an 80+hour week (blah), life has been good. this being a new year and all, i wanted to get my life in order but with the busy service i'm on this month i think my new year resolutions will have to wait until february. not that i have many..well i always have a bunch from previous years and they're all always the same typical ones, but the only new one i have this year is to really make an effort to find a boyfriend. i'm hesitant to say i want to make an effort to completely come out 'cuz honestly i don't see that happening until i find a guy who can encourage and support me in that process. i just don't see the benefit in just spontaneously telling everyone i fuck guys, but if i were to meet someone who is important to me and i'd want people to know about, then i could see that happening.

anyway i'm still pretty clueless about this whole dating thing though. i actually put my face pic up on grindr and a few weeks ago ended up going out on this date with a guy off there. my first real gay date lol. i was a little disappointed when i actually met him though because he was pretty stereotypically gay gay. darn.

well we went to dinner and actually had a nice conversation, but didn't do anything after. i was assuming that'd be it though but he ended up texting me a few days later asking to hang out. we ended up watching a movie and then having some funny business after (re: he had tongue ring) but i haven't seen him since as i've been too busy. don't think i want to take things much further as he's not the type of guy i'm looking for, but maybe i'll take another whirl with that tongue ring...

i don't have my face pic public on any online sites like a4a or manhunt, but i might go that route in search of dates. i also browsed randomly a few weeks ago and am wondering if that would be a legitimate option?? otherwise where else do you go to meet normal guys to date? there's a few gay bars in this town i'm in but i don't know if i really want to cruise down there by myself on a weekend looking desperate for a guy to talk to...

oh yea and regarding the cuddle guy i keep talking about..i caved and saw him last month. i feel like one of those battered women who keep going back to guys who abuse them. ok, that's kind of a drastic analogy, (and i truly think domestic abuse is one of the worst things in society) but my cycle with this guy at least continues. i think we're both at an understanding now though, and i think it's ok to just have him around as a guy to sleep with once in awhile. i can separate him out enough where i won't use him as a crutch not to find a real guy to date. clearly i'm trying to rationalize this all away to make it seem normal, but this is the arrangement i'm keeping for now.

random aside: in my spare time not being a doctor, i moonlight as a porn addict. while i still don't advocate bareback, i thought the vids from these guys were pretty hot. i think the hottest thing is that they flip fuck...nothing hotter than that!