anyway i'll keep giving the online forum a shot. i'm still debating whether to sign up for match.com. i suppose 20 bucks a month isn't the worst thing i could spend my cash on, but i have a feeling the type of guys i'd be interested in wouldn't shell out the money for it either. my other thought was to try joining one of these gay interest groups. not exactly sure what i'd be up for but it'd be worth a shot. i might try actually hitting up some gay bars maybe during off days or happy hour for a drink but i just have a feeling i'd just feel depressed like a creep sitting there getting a drink by myself.
what i'm really curious to know is how guys in nice stable relationships initially met. that would at least give me some idea of what the hell i need to do to have a man asleep next to me every night. clearly i'm just grasping at straws here.
alright i realize my last few posts have been all whiny and angsty. i will try to avoid such posts in the future and focus on the positives. btw i'm officially done with intern year so that is something i'll need to write about. crazy year but i'm excited even more for second year!
o yea i saw this picture on the dudetube tumblr (http://dudetube.tumblr.com/). i don't have a singlet or jock strap fetish but you gotta admit that's pretty hot. this poor OSU guy though, he probably has no idea he's being paraded as a gay guy's wet dream hahaha.
You are going to be a doctor -- that always has appeal. You are going to have to beat back all the guys who want to date you. But the biggest issue is how do you let other gay guys know that you are available? Part of that is coming out to your friends and family and have them vouch for you -- getting a character reference really improves your chances, more so that relying on random chance. Just be sure to tell your champions what kind of guy you are looking for.
ReplyDeleteAlso, while clicking together online is a good start, you really won't know chemistry until you meet face to face. Make it known that you are looking for a relationship rather than just for some fun.
Grindr is another option. It's a hook-up app but there's usually a solid group of dadting-oriented guys on there, at least in my area.
ReplyDeleteIn some locations, especially smaller to mid-sized cities, Match is the most popular site. The trouble with Match is that many of the profiles you are shown are not members. If you message one of them then they have to pay to read your message. If you don't count non-member profiles there aren't nearly as many prospects on Match as you think. I'm not certain but I think a green background means they're a paying member.
I met my guy on OkCupid but the circumstances were kind of a fluke. We had a few things in common but lived far apart. On a whim I messaged him just to say hi. We sporadically emailed back and forth for two months and then spoke on the phone twice. That's when he clicked for me. Another six weeks went by before we met. If I had not been patient and persistent we never would have met.
If I hadn't met Dean I'd still be slogging through different guys on OkCupid. I'm near San Francisco so the numbers are good. Given my experience with Dean and others, I really don't think you can tell very much from an on-line profile. This is why I think you should be open to meet everyone who is not a definite no. You just never know who you'll click with and you can't figure that out until you meet.
If you set a goal of meeting one new guy a week, that's 52 guys a year. Do that and you're certain to make new friends and get pulled into new social groups, which is another good way to meet people.
Interest groups are another option. Check Meet-Up groups and the local lgbt resource center.
I don't know if this conversational technique is good or if it only worked with Dean, but I just started telling him stories from my past whenever something we said made me think of them. For example, "when did you first wonder if you might be gay?" became "I had a crush on this guy but I didn't realize it. I liked him because... when we hung out.. etc, etc." Stories can be revealing, are hopefully interesting, often prompt similar stories in return, and can easily transition the conversation from one subject to the next. Also, when you meet the stories make you more of a three-dimensional person rather than a list of stats and interests.
I haven't had much success with online dating. OKCupid is alright. Grindr is mostly for hook-ups, but there are people on there looking for honest relationships. Jack'd is another app that I think is better for guys looking for relationships compared to Grindr. All free! :-D
ReplyDeleteI've no problem making small talk. It's getting the other person to respond to that initial small talk that's the difficult part, but once they reply back you can really run with it.
I'm not actually sure I should bother with actively trying to seek a relationship, as I'm an M4 and won't know where I'll end up for residency. Is it worth it for max of a year? Idk.
I met my bf on Match.com. We're approaching the two month mark and we're both extremely happy.
ReplyDeleteAs for what Aek said, it's tough when you don't know what the future holds (e.g., you're not sure where you'll be). I've had worries along those lines too. However, I think you just need to focus on the present and not get too bogged down in the uncertainties of the future.
The future always has some uncertain element to it -- you don't want to put off your current life hoping for more certainty -- you could end up waiting a long time. In the meanwhile, some one could cross your path now that changes the direction of your future -- you just never know.
ReplyDeleteI met Stof at an LGBT organisation in the city I studied (not school related). It was orientated on young gay and lesbians (-26 but there's one for +26 too were we go now occasionally) and it involved weekly activities like seeing movies/ go swimming/ play games/ make a city tour by night/ wall climbing/ whatelse so everybody would like at least something, and there was a weekly 'bar moment'. From time to time there were parties organised too.
ReplyDeleteI had planned to go there for like 2 years but always chickened out being affraid of it being a 'bunch of sissies' and not fitting in - I was wrong by the way. My first activity turned out to be a salsa initiation haha, wich was totally awkward because not my kind of thing. But did my best and because of the good atmosphere and everybody fooling around it was fun eventually. Stof was there the whole time but didn't dance with him (he couldn't dance salsa neither haha) Afterwards we went out to a (regular) bar with a bunch of guys and the whole atmosphere and conversations just felt right. Stof went with us too and was kind of talking behind my back and giggling like a schoolgirl with another guy wich made me think of him being annoying haha. But it was actually about me he was talking I heard much later...
I didn't fell in love immediately, actually had kind of crush (but maybe rather physically) on another guy to whom I was off limits because I was a newbie and he was in the organisation - there was a 2 months no touching newbies for organisators wich was Stof's luck ;-) On a party I had already felt some interest of his part, but there were others too hitting me up on the dancefloor so he had to do a good job haha.
But after a few weeks I got to know the personalities over the looks and actually the guy on who I first had this 'physical crush' set up a date for us... going to the movies, grabbing some drinks and ending up kissing in my room with me being pressed against the closet (were I just came out from haha)
So I guess trying something LGBT like is a good thing to start with. If it's nothing for you for some reason (the atmosphere wont be that good everywhere I suppose) leave it at one visit, but then at least you know what it's like and who's there to meet. Good Luck!