gun show!

i'm not one to lust after athletes, male or female, but i saw this picture of clay matthews on espn today and i was pretty damn impressed. apparently he was really skinny in high school, which is pretty hard to believe looking at him now. i'm not a juicehead or anything (man...jersey shore is invading my vocabulary, what is the world coming to), but i definitely think anyone can appreciate arms like these. anyway enjoy the eye candy if you're into ridiculously huge biceps.



by the way, as much as i like how the packers have looked in the playoffs, i think the steelers will win it 17-14.

relationships

one thing that has me hesitant to throw myself all in to the homo boat is whether or not i could have a real, meaningful relationship with another guy. i know sexuality is supposed to be a spectrum, and while i have had my fair share of man-on-man sex, i don't know if i could ever emotionally commit to another man. i've definitely had hookup buddies/friends with benefits whom i've liked and enjoyed spending time with, but could i ever get into a full-on relationship? i'm not sure. i just don't even know what that situation would be like. at least the way i've had my encounters with gay sex, it's always been kinda the 'get naked first, ask questions later' situation and the whole traditional getting to know you thing has gone out the window. and what does being in a relationship with another guy entail? the whole notion just seems very foreign to me, even though it obviously wouldn't be much different than any other normal committed relationship. there's always that joke about straight guys having bromances, so i guess it wouldn't be much different than that, except for what happens in the bedroom  haha.

the more i think about it, the more i'm definitely intrigued by the possibility. i've always been more of a gestalt kind of guy, and i think if i met a guy and really liked him, and he also wanted to pursue a relationship, i think i would be open to it. hopefully that would be someone in the same situation as me who would be charting similar uncharted waters. as much as i admire openly gay men for being out and confident and all that instead of dealing with all the fucked up issues of us closet cases, a relationship with an openly gay guy would probably be the equivalent of a may-december romance in terms of maturity.

anyway i doubt i'm going to be finding any eligible men, so i guess i'm just putting the idea out there to myself. some guys in the past, i probably was holding back any real emotions i may have had and was just kinda riding it for the physical part, but at heart i am really a relationship kind of guy. and it sure as hell is nice to sleep next to someone at night!!!!

edit: just caught up on some other blogs i follow. coincidentally this guy explored the same concept in one of his posts. link here some of the user comments seem pretty harsh! at least from my perspective. just more food for thought that just makes me not want to confront the issue period...i'm such a wimp.

happy 2011!

first, i have something important to say. immediately start following this blog. http://ajokelife.tumblr.com/ i came across it the other day and it is infinitely better than mine. this guy is hilarious, and he keeps his updates short, sweet, and pretty freaking funny. doesn't hurt that he is also pretty cute haha. i think he is canadian, that must be part of his charm. either way, i am sure he gets e-hit-on aplenty.

damn i am already doing a horrible job of updating this blog. i thought i'd have more time during the holidays, but of course the holidays end up being crazier than regular life, and now i am back to the regular life grind where time is always short, even as a 4th year. if you're not familiar with how medical school works, let me summarize:

pre-med school: you work your ass off in college and/or post-college to get into medical school because it is a hyper-competitive hellhole. (although with the doc shortages nationwide they could probably stand to be less exclusive)
1st and 2nd years: you study your ass off 24/7 as you learn an exorbitant amount of info in too short a time, then binge drink every few weeks after a test, thus wiping your memory clean.
3rd year: you get thrown into the clinical setting, aka the hospitals and the real world, and you learn to play the game of navigating the hospital hierarchy. (think the tv show scrubs)
4th year: you spend the first half stressing about getting a residency position job for after graduation. then once all the applications and interviews are over in the second half you turn off your brain until graduation.

this being early january, most of my fellow 4th years are finishing up interviews and getting ready to check out mentally, if they haven't already. it's funny because whereas in 3rd year, you are so worried about making a good impression and looking like the model student to get a good grade, in 4th year you really couldn't care less and you're just trying to scheme ways out of work ASAP. anyway, i have a few interviews left and i am almost ready for my turn to check out, but not quite there yet.

as far as other stuff, i am still paranoid as hell i have HIV. haven't had any more alarm symptoms, but of course that means nothing. i actually have a few new year's resolutions related to my sex life, which i may or may not share in a later post. some of them are hilariously ridiculous that i even have to make a resolution like that, but you can judge for yourself. anyway, that's all i want to say for now. gotta work on keeping these damn entries short!