Is it sad that I'm so behind on doing household chores 'cuz I'm working all the time that I'm keeping things refrigerated to avoid throwing them out? Pretty sure half of the already meager contents of my fridge are rotting, but I don't want to make the time to actually throw all that shit out! As long as it doesn't smell, in the fridge they will stay....

I've done a lot of crazy shit since I started exploring my gay side, and I probably won't detail everything as I don't want yall to know what a true sexual deviant I really am, but here's a story of a situation I thought I would never be in....

I met this guy on this gay chat site I stumbled across, you know the kind where guys just jerk off on camera. He messaged me first and we just kinda shot the shit with each other and ended up switching skype names. So from time to time we would jerk off with each other on skype and talk dirty to each other, that kind of thing. It was just kinda fun to do that with someone and I didn't think anything would come out of it. He was quite a bit older than me and openly gay but he looked young enough and at least on cam we had decent chemistry. (and he had amazing blue eyes) I think we kept at it skyping for a few months, not that often. He lived in a major city about an hour's flight away so we entertained the idea of actually meeting up. But me being poor I wasn't gonna spring for a flight to visit him. Then one day Southwest had an airflight sale and suddenly a round trip wasn't looking too bad.

So I brought it up to him..he actually kinda dodged my emails for awhile but finally wrote back and said we could try it. He had gotten out of a bad relationship and hadn't actually been dating or doing anything with guys for quite some time and didn't feel quite that comfortable to do this for real, but he said he'd give it a shot. The deal was he'd pick me up at the airport and we'd try a date and if it went well I could stay at his place for the weekend. If not I would make contingency plans with other friends I knew who lived in his city. Which was reasonable..who knew if we'd actually have real chemistry in reality right. So the flight was booked and here I was making this flight up to meet a guy I (essentially) barely knew! Like wtf was I doing? It just kept running through my mind as I was on my way 'this is happening'.

I finally meet him waiting for me at the airport. There's the shock of actually meeting in person and I think we gave each other this awkward hug when we met. He drives me back to his apartment and we make small talk. Get inside his place and continue making small talk. But there's obvious sexual tension the whole time and soon we are getting down to business. It works. We click. I'm definitely staying the whole weekend.

The weekend was just a combination of sex and sleep..or slex as I heard it termed in some random article I read once. Just kind of a perfect lazy weekend of sex and fun with someone I felt like I knew for a long time. We went out to dinner one of the nights and maybe cuz I was in a city where I didn't know anyone, I felt brave enough to grab and hold his hand walking around in public. It felt good...liberating in fact. And he certainly didn't seem to mind. It was just a good weekend. But it came to an end and although we obviously weren't gonna start a long-distance relationship thing, we left on good terms.

We called each other up occasionally after that. I actually don't think we ever skyped again..I think it would have just felt weird to jerk off on camera to each other after having done the real thing. But maybe 4 months after we had met up for real, he cut off contact from me. Total contact. It was weird 'cuz he had actually called me up like normal one day, but I was out with friends or something and told him I'd have to call him back. When I called back a few days later, he didn't pick up, which wasn't so unusual as we did play a lot of phone tag with each other. So I kept trying a few times and left some voicemails..probably bordering on stalker-like. (hey in medicine you have to be very persistent..all medical students are experts in tracking down random obscure bits of information from the medical record)

But I never did hear back from him. I don't know why. I know he still had some hangups from his last relationship and was hurt pretty badly from it, so maybe he was getting too attached to me and didn't want to become emotionally hung up on me too, especially since there wasn't gonna be any foreseeable future. I'm not sure. It would have been nice to get some answers. You'd think an older more experienced guy would be more forthcoming, but I guess not.  It just sucked to get the knife from him so abruptly with no explanation. But I'm a big boy and I can handle one rejection. Hopefully it was more his deal than mine. I like to think I'm not insane and nutso..but then the crazy ones never know they are crazy.

Anyway, overall it was just a crazy experience and I still can't believe I went from an online chat room to being in the guy's actual bed hundreds of miles away. It was a really fun weekend and we had great chemistry so I don't regret that part. Like a lot of life though, I guess we were just in the wrong place and the wrong time in our lives.

nsa

I love what I do and all, but my life could be a little more glamorous. I think I've gone to bed before 11pm and more like 10pm or earlier for the past few days. Gone are the days of hard drinking late into the night. Even as medical students we managed to find the time to party, but now that I'm expected to act like an adult I can't exactly waltz into work hungover. Besides, the way the scheduling works I get one random day off a week and usually everyone else is working so it's not like I exactly have some drinking buds ready to go. I forgot how extremely depressing it is to go to bed at 9pm on a Friday night when you know the whole world's out there having a blast. So it's been kind of a weird adjustment not to be having much of a life outside the hospital. I think once all my co-interns settle into things more we'll be more willing to go out and have some fun....I hope.

So I dunno if any of you have seen "No Strings Attached" starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher. It is a romantic comedy and my excuse for having seen it was 'cuz I saw it on a flight. It was alright as far as those kind of movies, but I actually did kind of relate to Natalie's character. Basically she's this resident doctor (me and my friends could never figure out what specialty she would be in) and she has a friends with benefits thing with Ashton and he falls in love with her but she turns him down at first then realizes she does love him too and blah blah blah you know the rest.

Anyway, before she fell in love with him, her situation made total sense to me. All I could really use right now is a good fuck buddy..someone I could call up after a long day of work, have some fun with, then kick out the door in a hurry 'cuz before I get to sleep for another day of work. It sounds pretty selfish, but there's no way I could have a normal relationship right now. I look at my co-interns who are married  and I just feel bad for their spouses..I doubt they get much quality time nowadays. My life could definitely use a little pseudo-romance. It kinda sucks to be having this great job, making decent money, but coming home to an empty apartment and having no one to enjoy it all with! Is this what people mean when they refer to an "unfulfilled life"? arghhhhh I can feel the sexual frustration building.....I've been cruising a4a for that perfect fuck buddy but I think I am sick of cruising now...

sexy doctor

I figured I could use a profile picture, and as I clearly would not use one of myself I decided to be cheesy and searched "sexy doctor" on google images. I figured I would get one of those "Grey's Anatomy" fools but this guy works pretty well for me. I actually am kinda curious if patients ever fantasize about their docs...we are a pretty smart and good-looking bunch! I have still not decided whether or not I want to drop the D-word if I'm trying to pick up someone. Even though I am only a resident, I still feel like it would just lead to trouble, raised expectations, and/or gold diggers. (joke's on them when they find out how much debt I'm in!)

Or maybe I'm just overestimating the pull being a doctor has on the common folk...we are a pretty vain and self-centered bunch.

continued...

So time to pick up where I left off..I was making my way down this guy's body and was getting ready to suck his cock. He had a nice piece..7 inches and good thickness, and there it was in front of me, so I got to work and wrapped my mouth around it. I dunno if I'm particularly gifted in sucking dick but I always give it the ol' college (slut) try. As I sucked him off, he was moaning and running his hands through my hair so I figured I wasn't doing too bad a job. I worked his cock with my mouth and hand for awhile before he pulled me up to kiss him again. Then we swapped and he got to work sucking me off. And damn was he pretty good. He got my cock nice and slicked up with his spit and really worked it well...I was in heaven. His hand job was almost better than his oral. As he was working me I was rubbing his shoulders, which he seemed to enjoy. So after I enjoyed a little more of his blow job, I asked him if he wanted me to rub his back. He did, so he laid out on his stomach and I straddled his bare ass and started massaging his back and shoulders. He let out several moans and grunts as I rubbed his muscles..I liked that I was giving him so much pleasure and his back and arm muscles felt good to work with my hands so I kept at it for awhile.

Eventually I got tired of massaging him so I turned him over and we resumed making out. He went to go down on me again, then I flipped around so that we could 69. We basically continued this cycle of sucking and jerking each other off alternating with just kissing for quite awhile. Finally though he whispered that he had to cum soon and he wanted to get me off too..so I asked him where he wanted me to shoot and he said he wanted to suck me off and take my load in his mouth. Now normally it's pretty difficult for me to get off from just being blown, but he was pretty damn good at sucking cock so I laid back, relaxed and let him really suck my dick. Between his excellent sucking and jerking me off, I felt that familiar rise in my cock build up and soon I yelled out that I was gonna cum and I shot my load in his mouth. He had been furiously jerking his own cock while he was sucking me off and after he finished taking my load, he immediately came up to straddle my waist and with a few jerks of his cock was shooting 3 or 4 thick ropes of cum on my chest...nice.

After he came he excused himself to the bathroom and I could hear him rinsing out his mouth..hey I couldn't blame him I don't really like the taste of cum myself lol. He came back and brought me a towel to clean up with, and then he collapsed on the bed next to me. He put his arm underneath my neck so I moved in a little closer and put my head on his chest and threw an arm over him. We both ended up dozing off 'cuz I woke up with a jolt and he was already snoring lightly. It had already been two hours since I first got to his place. I shook him lightly and told him I should probably go, but he just mumbled something and proceeded to wrap both his arms tightly around me...oh what the hell like I had anything better to do.

So I stayed in bed with him and we made out lightly as we cuddled. He got me turned around so he was big spooning me and he traced up and down my body with his hands...reaching down to touch my cock which was already stiffening again. He played with my cock and got me fully hard. He continued to jerk me off for awhile as we both laid on our sides before he sat up and laid back against the headboard. Then he positioned me so that I was lying in between his legs, his one hand resting on my leg and the other reaching around to hold my hard cock. He slicked up my cock with his spit and started to jerk me off in this position. I leaned back against his chest and moaned softly as I enjoyed being jerked off by him like this, and it wasn't long before I came again, shooting a second load onto his bed. I turned my head around to kiss him some more and I asked him if he wanted to cum again. He said he was fine so we got up and started to get dressed...it was a slow process though 'cuz we kept stopping to feel each other up and kiss. Eventually we managed to get fully dressed and said our goodbyes...he said I should definitely come back sometime and I agreed..after that hot hookup how could I not want to come back?

So far we've texted each other a few times but we haven't been able to make something work yet. But I definitely wanna see him again..so for my first adam4adam hookup, not too bad!

cliffhanger

sorry guys, i know i left you guys in the middle of a hot hookup story. i want to finish it but i do have to remind you i just started my residency and i'm working 80 hour weeks...not a lotta time to blog! i'll finish it soon though just sit tight. ;)

This will be my first (and prob last) attempt at a sexy post...I'm not a fan of kiss and tell but there's a first time for everything right. I just hope I can do a good job writing about it..if you get even a hint of a boner then I'll feel like I did a good job haha.

So as I have moved to a new city and feeling pretty lonely/horny at times, I finally decided to try out adam4adam and see what it's like on there. Well, I can say it definitely beats manhunt. That POS manhunt just has way too many restrictions and I always end up getting hit on by cock shots. Anyway as new blood on a4a I got hit up pretty hard. Mostly the usual innocuous bullshit like "hey what's up", which is fine and all, but I wish guys would be a little clearer what they are expecting when they bullshit messages like that back and forth for awhile..there's always some endgame right? I end up messaging with this guy, 6'0 180ish, good muscle definition, and some hot-looking arm tats in his pictures. (I'm a sucker for nice tats..they sure as hell can be sexy when they aren't the typical cheesy ones) We bullshit for a bit then get down to business and set up a meeting place and time for my first hook-up in this new city.

I drive out to his place which is about 30 minutes from my place...get the usual feelings of anxiety. At this point of my life (whether you consider this unfortunate or not), I am pretty seasoned at having hookups and I am still alive and haven't been chopped up by a crazy serial killer. But still going into it you never know if it's gonna be one of those awkward cum-and-gos or an actual decent time so it's always a little weird leading up to it. Luckily this was one of the better ones. The guy let me into his place. He was wearing a basketball jersey that showed off his arm tats, shorts, and a ballcap...shaved head. Pretty much the same from his pictures, which is always a good thing.  We sat down on his couch and I think we got about 30 seconds of small talk in before he reached in to kiss me. Hesitant kisses at first, and I knew he had gotten ready for me 'cuz he tasted like mouthwash...nice and minty. We quickly opened up to each other and were kissing heavily on his couch. I love kissing so I am always happy when the other guy is into kissing as well..call me traditional but I like a little foreplay.

Eventually though he stopped, grabbed my hand, and led me to his bedroom. The lights were off but he had some candles lit already..wow this guy really was prepared for me! We stood in the doorway and started kissing again, our hands sneaking underneath our clothes to feel each other's bodies. He took off his jersey and my shirt and started trying to take off more of his clothes but I wrapped my arm around his back and pulled him in to kiss again..just enjoying the feeling of our bare chests against each other. I could feel his hard cock in his shorts and eventually he couldn't take just kissing and pulled down his shorts and worked my jeans off in a few quick motions. I laid back on his bed and he came in to lay on top of me as we continued to kiss and feel our naked bodies against each other. We continued to kiss and play at each other's necks until he whispered in my ear "Suck my cock"...well how could I refuse. I slowly made my way down his body where his fully hard cock was waiting for me...

andddd that's all the time I have to write today! haha I know what a tease.

why not

Lately it seems like a lot of fellow bloggers have had the nuts to come out..ok not that many but it seems huge when they do. secrets started, CBC has as well (his was actually the first 'closet' blog i ever read so it's crazy to see his journey) , and of course my boy socrkid has been doing his thing for awhile now. Reading about all these experiences has been amazing and I have such tremendous respect for these guys. So obviously this has gotten me thinking about what it would be like to come out myself. I think at this point I'm pretty sure my orientation is towards men..yea I could marry a woman and have kids and do the white-picket fence and live a relatively content life, but I know I'd truly be happiest dedicating myself to another guy. (which is a bummer cuz I would love to have my own kid with a woman I was madly in love with..not to sound narcissistic but I got good genes I need to pass on!)

That being said, nowhere have I heard a "bad" coming out story. Overwhelmingly it seems the response is always positive..sure maybe a little surprise, but always supportive, and never has shit really gone through the roof, even in the most conservative places. And the guy who has come out is always pretty much happier after the fact. On the other hand, all of us damn closeted bloggers live in this miserable world of self-torment and doubt....and for what reason??? What have we got to lose???

I know that if I personally were to come out tomorrow, it probably wouldn't be that big a deal. Part of my concern has always been about some friends back home whom I've grown up with forever and love to death, but still post homophobic shit on fb and all that and maybe wouldn't be cool with it. So they'd have to either join the cultural competency of the 21st century or be out of my life. And as sad as that would be, fuck it, I only need to surround myself with positive energy and I know I would have enough love from true friends and family that I really could give a fuck what a handful of boors think about me (that's what I keep telling myself anyway). We live in the fucking 21st century in the United States of America...a country that has stood for freedom for 200+ years. The days to be afraid of being gay should not exist anymore.

I really feel like I'm at a crossroads right now. Especially starting out a new job, new city, new friends, there's always that feeling for a chance to reinvent yourself. I feel like I could do it...just establish it now and let people take it or leave it. At the same time I am starting out a new job, new city, new friends..do I really want to rock the boat now? I love it here so far, but I'm still feeling things out and unfortunately where I'm at now is a little more conservative than the city where I went to med school.

In medicine we always talk about risk versus benefit...for example the risk of going to surgery or not..the risk of a med versus its treatment benefit. So naturally I think about this the same way, and I've always just rationalized there were way too many risks to come out..too much change and potential harm to my life when I couldn't really see any benefits that would come of it. Now those risks, whether imagined, self-imposed, or real, seem to be way too small and the benefits so much huger.

I think what I just need is a man worth all this upheaval to be standing beside me and supporting me when I'm ready to come out..someone who I'd be proud to say yea, I fuck this guy and we're in love. I'm not much for dramatic declarations..it would be great to just bring a guy to a social function and introduce him as my boyfriend, partner whatever, as natural as that. So...where the heck can I find a guy like that??? haha fuck this is complicated.

haha

News flash from one of my medical apps:

Levitra now 9 bucks a pop at Wal-Mart! Lowest price in the industry!

Just don't try to get a prescription from me...