second, i did meet up with scruff guy and tell him i didn't want to date anymore. we went to happy hour/dinner which went well enough although the news i had to tell him was in the back of my mind. i kept trying to find a good time to break it but obviously couldn't find one. towards the end he kept bringing up what we should do after and i was like "ummmm....not sure." so when we were taking care of the check i excused myself to the bathroom, came back, and just said it. he took it well. he appreciated my honesty. he actually does still want to be friends. he did ask me what were some of the reasons i didn't think it would work. i didn't want to be that honest with him so i avoided that question but just told him i didn't feel the chemistry was right for what i was looking for, which is true. interestingly, he still invited me over to his place after and to make it brief, we woke up naked together the next morning. not that we're turning this into a friends with benefits thing, i think it was just more like a last hurrah kind of thing.
some of you commented my quest for THE ONE may be a quixotic search. i'm not so naive that i think prince charming will appear suddenly and i'll live happily ever after. (that was phone guy, and he's gone for now) but we did go on 3 dates and that was enough for me to know that there wasn't enough there with this guy to keep pursuing things. as someone put it, nothing was overtly wrong, but there just wasn't enough to build on and honestly i just wouldn't have wanted to settle with this guy. i'm still in my 20s, and i still believe i can keep searching those vast gay seas for the right man. there were specific points in my future man that i would have liked for this guy to have, but overall it really was my gestalt telling me this guy wasn't it. that's the whole point of dating right?
so, it's back to square one again. any suggestions for other online/phone app venues would be appreciated. currently i still frequent grindr, scruff, a4a, and okcupid. tried manhunt, match, and jackd but not interested in those. is there some new thing i'm missing out on? aside from like...actual human interaction somewhere?
Hah! Didn't I predict in my last comment, that this may develop into a FWB relationship? Actually, nothing wrong with that as long as both parties agree. And sounds like you consummated the deal after drinks. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnyway the good thing about dating some before settling (and to me it's more about being realistic and compromising) is that the perfect guy is really hard to find. Say you have 5 key qualities a guy must have for you to feel like you truly belong together -- and you score the guy's ability achieve/realize those qualities on a ranking of 1-10, 10 being perfect. Does the guy have to score 10 on every measure? Could he be a 9 on 3 qualities and an couple of 8s on the others to be considered close enough to perfect for you?
More importantly if you hew to such high standards, would you expect the other guy to assess you similarly? And how would you score? If you both are seeking perfection, then you both have to score 50 in each other's eyes and that's might hard to come by. It's difficult enough to meet someone you like that can even accommodate your demanding schedule.
My point is many aspire to perfection searching for "The ONE" but the reality is there may be more ONEs out there than a single individual for you, so search broadly and keep an open mind.
i don't think the FWB thing is gonna happen. it was just a way for us to say good bye. but yes, pretty good guess there!
Deletei wouldn't say i'm trying to find THE perfect guy. i do believe there are plenty of guys out there who i would be perfectly happy with and vice versa. i don't have a scoreboard to measure every guy against and i would be very comfortable letting something develop over a few more dates than with this guy, but i also think there's no need to waste both our times if there are a few gears not working.
"it really was my gestalt telling me this guy wasn't it. that's the whole point of dating right?" I certainly think so.
ReplyDeleteI haven't tried any of these dating apps, so I have no idea if they're any good or if they even have a m4m option. I do know they cater to 20-somethings. You gotta like that!
Tinder, Let's Date, How About We, Skout, Coffee Meets Bagel, Grouper, Snapchat, Bang with Friends
Man I'm really impressed and amazed by gymnasts. They do things that would probably kill me (or leave me paralyzed).
ReplyDeleteAs for the dating thing, I've no words of wisdom because if I did, I wouldn't also be single for so long as well, haha. These apps and sites don't really do it for me, though I still frequent them. Few good things have come of it.
Amazing gymnast! One thing I can say about dating: it is difficult as hell finding the right guy.
ReplyDelete