hey guys
i have a lot i could update you guys on but today i want to tell you guys a story about boy meets boy. it doesn't have a happy ending, but it has a silver lining in it so i want to share it anyway.

as i mentioned a few posts ago, i've moved to a new city a few months ago. i have a few classmates from medical school here, but essentially i'm brand new to the city. it was a saturday night and i was just at home not really doing anything. in fact i had just binge watched a few episodes of  'house of cards'. i wasn't really in the mood to go out because i had been doing some day drinking with some neighbors and was pretty wiped from that. but, a part of my brain told me not to waste a perfectly good night at home watching tv, so even though it was late i decided to get dressed and head to a gay bar nearby. my plan was to get a drink to check things out then head back home.

i get there and it was pretty average as far as bars go. a drag queen was hosting some random contests with bar patrons like beer chugging and blowing up condoms. this guy near me made a little joke about the silliness we were watching and we laughed as it went on. i took a second look at him and decided he was pretty good-looking. tall, maybe 6'2, dark features, nice sense of style, definitely cute. he resumed talking with his friend and eventually i went to get another drink at the bar. of course i had the typical internal debate as i waited at the bar. do i try to talk to this guy? was he just being friendly and i was reading too much into his little joke? what the heck do i say? i decided why not, nothing to lose and i went back to where we were standing so i could try to talk to this guy. my anxiety was high as i stood around awkwardly waiting to make a move. and then just as i was about to say something, of course he starts out first and introduces himself. whew, thank god. we start chatting and i tell him how i'm new in town and don't know anyone and we hit it off from there.

we were actually having a good chat when his friends want to go to another bar so he invites me to go along with them. i thought he was just being friendly, me being a friendless gay loser in the city so i go with them. as you might imagine where this is going, after we had a few more drinks together and talk more at the next bar, he ended up kissing me, making it clear i am oblivious to whether someone is just being friendly to me or trying to get into my pants. at this point in the night though, i am very happy to be kissing a handsome, exciting new stranger. i ended up staying over at his place. in fact, i ended up staying at his place the whole weekend and we went out again together the next night. we had a lot of fun; it seemed like our company together just flowed and it was like we had known each other a lot longer than 24 hours.

at this point i'm over the moon that for once in reality, it was possible to meet an attractive, nice, smart, successful guy at a gay bar -- like how people supposedly did it in the olden days before grindr, tinder, etc. it just seemed so serendipitous that i would meet this great guy on a night where i hadn't even planned to go out.

we went on a few more dates through september and things were good. it was puppy love. but then, things popped up for both of us and suddenly it was a few weeks where we hadn't seen each other. he was busy with work, i was busy with work, and our schedules just didn't align. but then i felt like there was the hint that maybe it was more than just two busy professionals trying to date. his texts became more sporadic. any suggestion by me for us to set a real date was met with an enthusiastic "yeah!" without any real follow-up. well, i've played this game before. but i couldn't help myself. i really liked this guy. (and did i mention he looked great in his underwear?)

i knew though i was setting myself up to get hurt if i kept crushing on this dream guy. after a solid 2 weeks with no word from him, i sent a followup text to say hey, we had a good time, but it seems like you're not interested -- basically a message to put the ball in his court once and for all and to give me some closure that i did all i could. of course, i get back a very sweet and charming message back from him saying the fault was his, i'm one of the best guys he's ever met but he's just so busy with work right now and maybe this isn't a good time for him to be dating and blah blah blah. my feeling upon receiving that reply was somewhere between elation, skepticism, and utter disappointment.

i'm not sure i ever really buy anyone's excuse that they're "too busy" anymore. people are never too busy for something. it's a euphemism for "i don't want to make time for this". any former resident can tell you what it's like to have way more on your plate than you think you can handle, and to have a bunch of friends in the same situation. but somehow, we always made time to spend together and stay connected. people make time for what's important to them -- they always do. so i knew this guy's story didn't quite add up if in 6 weeks he couldn't find the time to see me once. but his words were really pretty and i'll keep believing he's just too busy with other things in life.

we still send a message to each other every once in awhile but i know not to put much stock in it. yes, i still feel like a little schoolgirl when i see his name pop up, but i know to keep my expectations low. will i ever actually see him again? who knows.

the point of telling this story though was to focus on that initial honeymoon period when we first met. that inexplicable, joyful feeling of making a real connection with another guy. the feeling that you just got incredibly lucky and life has opened up and given you everything you had ever hoped for. that's how i felt with this new guy. it was amazing while it lasted, and while i'm disappointed it didn't work out, i'm invigorated by the hope that it can happen again, and next time it will last.