Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
well it's been a crazy past few days. i MATCHED aka i now have a job for sure as a resident doctor in june! i'm really excited...it's gonna be in a city i have absolutely no connections to, but i'm pumped to experience something new and meet new people. (alternatively also terrified about moving to a new city where i won't know anyone...) overall though, it's such a great feeling to be able to look forward to this next stage of my life. and to know i'll finally be making some $$$$ in june!
everything leading up to and following match day has just been a shit show. our coping mechanism last week to deal with the anxiety of upcoming match was alcohol, and more alcohol, and all the celebration post-match has included alcohol, and more alcohol. my liver hates me, but i think this string of binge drinking will continue for at least a few more days. i gave myself a break today, but i'm sure i'll be out for a few too many drinks again tomorrow night. at what age exactly is it to be inappropriate to still be binge drinking lol.
it is honestly so incredible to finally be at the end of medical school. it's only been 4 years, but it feels like i've been a student forever. and now that there's less than 3 months left, i'm sure time will kick into hyperdrive and it will be over in a blink...right when it's starting to get good! of course somewhere in the midst of all this celebration, i need to remember to crack open a book once in awhile 'cuz all the info i've learned the past few years is leaking out at an exponential rate!
everything leading up to and following match day has just been a shit show. our coping mechanism last week to deal with the anxiety of upcoming match was alcohol, and more alcohol, and all the celebration post-match has included alcohol, and more alcohol. my liver hates me, but i think this string of binge drinking will continue for at least a few more days. i gave myself a break today, but i'm sure i'll be out for a few too many drinks again tomorrow night. at what age exactly is it to be inappropriate to still be binge drinking lol.
it is honestly so incredible to finally be at the end of medical school. it's only been 4 years, but it feels like i've been a student forever. and now that there's less than 3 months left, i'm sure time will kick into hyperdrive and it will be over in a blink...right when it's starting to get good! of course somewhere in the midst of all this celebration, i need to remember to crack open a book once in awhile 'cuz all the info i've learned the past few years is leaking out at an exponential rate!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
man, crazy how time flies sometimes. i have a few things to update about...so here goes.
first, monday kicks off match week, when all med school seniors find out where they're gonna work, so keep your fingers crossed on our behalf. there's been enough anxiety about this and my strategy has just been to put it out of mind so that's enough about that lol.
second, i have not had a chance to update because i took a few days to go to NEW ORLEANS for mardi gras. needless to say, it was a crazy experience and i have been playing major catch up since getting back. i'm not sure what new orleans is like on a typical weekend, but i must recommend that if you go to new orleans, mardi gras weekend is definitely the time to go. crowds of people, alcohol a plenty, beads upon beads, and lots and lots of fun.
unfortunately as i went with straight friends, i didn't really get a chance to check out the gay bars. i did manage to sneak off on my own one night and checked out a few of the gay bars. i don't know whether it was just the mardi gras season or new orleans at baseline, but there was a fair amount of cock out in public at these places. someone was telling me a black screen over the balcony was put up to shield the public for that reason lol. anyway i won't go into specifics, but i did engage in some public nudity after some encouragement from some new friends. i can confidently say i have never whipped my cock out in such a public forum lol. i did draw the line at giving/receiving head in public, although there were many others who did not have an issue with that. as most patrons and workers did not bat an eye when it did happen, i guess i shouldn't have been such a prude lol.
besides that quick foray into the gay bars, just doing the regular bourbon street stuff with my friends was fun and our livers were all sufficiently exhausted by the end of our trip. i must say i was surprised there wasn't more titty flashing as that was my general idea of mardi gras. i guess ladies WON'T do just anything for some plastic beads. overall though new orleans was awesome to visit and i would love to go back some time, even not during mardi gras.
in other news, i recently reconnected with an old fuck buddy. while it is nice to be having sex more often, i always feel like there's a certain spark missing when we hook up. even guys i've just had one time things with, i can instantly feel when there's that passion and urgency. with this guy, not so much...things are a little tamer. but we have enough fun that i'm not complaining as it is. plus he lives close to me and likes sleeping together like i do so i've stayed over a few nights. (yes i am not ashamed to admit i like cuddling and spooning lol) it is pretty clear he likes me more than i like him, so i wonder if that is playing a role for my lack of passion..you always want more what you can't have right?
oh yeah, that reminds me, i was planning on giving up masturbation for lent. i'm not catholic, but i like the concept of giving up something. a buddy of mine from hs and i actually tried giving up jerking off for lent one year. he managed to make it all the way, i think i lost it somewhere in the 30-day mark. in my defense he is actually catholic, so i think he may have had a little more impetus to stay true. anyway since that year, i've always wanted to go the full 40 days, but clearly have never had the willpower to do so. i was gonna try it again this year, but then i realized realistically i could never do it, even if i gave myself the caveat that i couldn't jerk off, but could still get off by another person. however, all is not lost as i will eventually be going on a month long trip with some buddies to celebrate the end of medical school. so given the lack of privacy i will have on that trip, i am thinking about celibacy for that period. given what a sex addict i am, i am sure that will fall through also, but i'm going to give it a shot haha.
finally, just wanted to say a word about the japan earthquake. i always feel really frivolous and guilty when i update because then i think about all the tragedy in the world i could be expending my energy on, but i guess if you wanted to read about that stuff you'd be somewhere else and not on this blog. so i will not be a debbie-downer and recognize that sometimes we all need an escape to the less profound things in life. but do take a moment to check out this link, it has some pretty powerful images from the quake. http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/03/massive_earthquake_hits_japan.html
alright, happy sunday everyone, hope ya got to sleep in and make up for that stupid daylight savings time!
first, monday kicks off match week, when all med school seniors find out where they're gonna work, so keep your fingers crossed on our behalf. there's been enough anxiety about this and my strategy has just been to put it out of mind so that's enough about that lol.
second, i have not had a chance to update because i took a few days to go to NEW ORLEANS for mardi gras. needless to say, it was a crazy experience and i have been playing major catch up since getting back. i'm not sure what new orleans is like on a typical weekend, but i must recommend that if you go to new orleans, mardi gras weekend is definitely the time to go. crowds of people, alcohol a plenty, beads upon beads, and lots and lots of fun.
unfortunately as i went with straight friends, i didn't really get a chance to check out the gay bars. i did manage to sneak off on my own one night and checked out a few of the gay bars. i don't know whether it was just the mardi gras season or new orleans at baseline, but there was a fair amount of cock out in public at these places. someone was telling me a black screen over the balcony was put up to shield the public for that reason lol. anyway i won't go into specifics, but i did engage in some public nudity after some encouragement from some new friends. i can confidently say i have never whipped my cock out in such a public forum lol. i did draw the line at giving/receiving head in public, although there were many others who did not have an issue with that. as most patrons and workers did not bat an eye when it did happen, i guess i shouldn't have been such a prude lol.
besides that quick foray into the gay bars, just doing the regular bourbon street stuff with my friends was fun and our livers were all sufficiently exhausted by the end of our trip. i must say i was surprised there wasn't more titty flashing as that was my general idea of mardi gras. i guess ladies WON'T do just anything for some plastic beads. overall though new orleans was awesome to visit and i would love to go back some time, even not during mardi gras.
in other news, i recently reconnected with an old fuck buddy. while it is nice to be having sex more often, i always feel like there's a certain spark missing when we hook up. even guys i've just had one time things with, i can instantly feel when there's that passion and urgency. with this guy, not so much...things are a little tamer. but we have enough fun that i'm not complaining as it is. plus he lives close to me and likes sleeping together like i do so i've stayed over a few nights. (yes i am not ashamed to admit i like cuddling and spooning lol) it is pretty clear he likes me more than i like him, so i wonder if that is playing a role for my lack of passion..you always want more what you can't have right?
oh yeah, that reminds me, i was planning on giving up masturbation for lent. i'm not catholic, but i like the concept of giving up something. a buddy of mine from hs and i actually tried giving up jerking off for lent one year. he managed to make it all the way, i think i lost it somewhere in the 30-day mark. in my defense he is actually catholic, so i think he may have had a little more impetus to stay true. anyway since that year, i've always wanted to go the full 40 days, but clearly have never had the willpower to do so. i was gonna try it again this year, but then i realized realistically i could never do it, even if i gave myself the caveat that i couldn't jerk off, but could still get off by another person. however, all is not lost as i will eventually be going on a month long trip with some buddies to celebrate the end of medical school. so given the lack of privacy i will have on that trip, i am thinking about celibacy for that period. given what a sex addict i am, i am sure that will fall through also, but i'm going to give it a shot haha.
finally, just wanted to say a word about the japan earthquake. i always feel really frivolous and guilty when i update because then i think about all the tragedy in the world i could be expending my energy on, but i guess if you wanted to read about that stuff you'd be somewhere else and not on this blog. so i will not be a debbie-downer and recognize that sometimes we all need an escape to the less profound things in life. but do take a moment to check out this link, it has some pretty powerful images from the quake. http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/03/massive_earthquake_hits_japan.html
alright, happy sunday everyone, hope ya got to sleep in and make up for that stupid daylight savings time!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
one of the things i love about being in medicine is how it can always take you out of the bubble of your own life and make you truly appreciate life. every patient has a story to tell, and one of the best parts of my job is being allowed into a patient's life to find out their story. a person's state of health is so intimately wrapped in the details of their personal life that we as the healthcare provider can't help but be sucked into that world. some docs don't really like that and prefer to compartmentalize things and know the bare minimum to do their job, but i kind of like getting the whole story.
anyway, most of the time we kind of gloss over against the shit we see every day as somewhat of a defense mechanism, but sometimes there are just those moments where you still get hit by the gravity of a patient's condition. recently i had a patient, pretty young (as in his early 50s) who was in a coma after suffering cardiac arrest in the field. he was in the ICU and eventually going to be formally pronounced brain dead and put up for organ donation. so my team saw the patient and after we left the room to discuss his case, his wife came to visit. i watched her out of the corner of my eye as she walked in to the room. she gave her husband a small kiss on the forehead, quietly rearranged his blankets, and took a seat to watch over him. just seeing her little gestures of affection and knowing she would never be able to have her husband back, that even as he was in that room breathing with his heart still beating, he was already as good as gone forever from her....those are the hard parts of the day...but also the parts that remind me to be so thankful that i really only have stupid bratty first world problems to deal with.
on a day-to-day basis it's easy to get swept up in the chaos and drama of our own lives and even become overwhelmed by it sometimes, but i think as long as you maintain a healthy amount of perspective, you can always find something, someone to be joyful about in your life.
anyway, most of the time we kind of gloss over against the shit we see every day as somewhat of a defense mechanism, but sometimes there are just those moments where you still get hit by the gravity of a patient's condition. recently i had a patient, pretty young (as in his early 50s) who was in a coma after suffering cardiac arrest in the field. he was in the ICU and eventually going to be formally pronounced brain dead and put up for organ donation. so my team saw the patient and after we left the room to discuss his case, his wife came to visit. i watched her out of the corner of my eye as she walked in to the room. she gave her husband a small kiss on the forehead, quietly rearranged his blankets, and took a seat to watch over him. just seeing her little gestures of affection and knowing she would never be able to have her husband back, that even as he was in that room breathing with his heart still beating, he was already as good as gone forever from her....those are the hard parts of the day...but also the parts that remind me to be so thankful that i really only have stupid bratty first world problems to deal with.
on a day-to-day basis it's easy to get swept up in the chaos and drama of our own lives and even become overwhelmed by it sometimes, but i think as long as you maintain a healthy amount of perspective, you can always find something, someone to be joyful about in your life.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
rank list done
another week done, another week closer to graduation. we turned in our rank list this week, which is basically a list prioritizing where you want to work after graduation. you don't actually get a choice; you prioritize everywhere you interviewed, the hospitals prioritize everyone they interview for a job, and some watson-like computer compares your list to the hospitals' and somehow spits out a match. given how important it is to get a job, some people have applied all over the country, from the east coast, west coast, midwest, south, etc etc. but they won't know where they'll end up until match day because you could end up anywhere from your first choice to your last choice depending how desirable a candidate you are. and once the match is made, you are essentially locked in, so even if you end up with your last choice in shitsville, you still have to accept your new position. if it sounds confusing and stupid, you're right, it is. but anyway, at least our part is done and out of our hands, so now just to wait for the official results in a few weeks.
in the meantime, i am doing my best to enjoy all the free time i now have. kind of like senioritis, but lamer 'cuz we as future professionals try to maintain some semblance of maturity. actually scratch that i feel like i'm back in undergrad again. i've been catching up on my tv, watching movies, playing videogames, drinking, going out, and sleeping late...pretty much exactly what i was doing a few years ago in college. there was this article in the WSJ recently about how guys in their 20s are perpetually stuck in adoloscence and......i agree! hey, if growing up means forgetting how to have fun, i never want to grow up.
the bad thing about all this idle time is that i am still as horny as ever. unfortunately i've dropped contact with most of my old hookup buddies so that avenue is kind of dead. i was even thinking about setting up an adam4adam account, but i am doing my best to refrain as i don't really want to go down that slutsville path again. so maybe i will just take a vow of celibacy til graduation lol.
in the meantime, i am doing my best to enjoy all the free time i now have. kind of like senioritis, but lamer 'cuz we as future professionals try to maintain some semblance of maturity. actually scratch that i feel like i'm back in undergrad again. i've been catching up on my tv, watching movies, playing videogames, drinking, going out, and sleeping late...pretty much exactly what i was doing a few years ago in college. there was this article in the WSJ recently about how guys in their 20s are perpetually stuck in adoloscence and......i agree! hey, if growing up means forgetting how to have fun, i never want to grow up.
the bad thing about all this idle time is that i am still as horny as ever. unfortunately i've dropped contact with most of my old hookup buddies so that avenue is kind of dead. i was even thinking about setting up an adam4adam account, but i am doing my best to refrain as i don't really want to go down that slutsville path again. so maybe i will just take a vow of celibacy til graduation lol.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
distracted
this is a perfect lazy sunday. i have been trying to get some work done but thanks to the wonders of the internet, i have found plenty of distractions. it doesn't help that it seems to be one of those days where sex is the only thing on my mind. sometimes i seriously think i have a sex addiction, then i remember i'm a guy and it's normal hahaha. fuck though, i'm sure you are all familiar with how it feels to just be so horned up and have no release.
i am very pissed at this invention known as tumblr because one link just leads to another..kind of like wikipedia but not quite as educational. here are some NSFW links that i have been enjoying.
http://hotandhung.tumblr.com/
http://fuckyeahnakedguys.tumblr.com/
i think a good fuck with some of the guys in those pics would be sure to cure my raging horniness right now lol. i've definitely spent enough time dicking around today so i will try to get my mind focused after this. happy sunday!
i am very pissed at this invention known as tumblr because one link just leads to another..kind of like wikipedia but not quite as educational. here are some NSFW links that i have been enjoying.
http://hotandhung.tumblr.com/
http://fuckyeahnakedguys.tumblr.com/
i think a good fuck with some of the guys in those pics would be sure to cure my raging horniness right now lol. i've definitely spent enough time dicking around today so i will try to get my mind focused after this. happy sunday!
Friday, February 18, 2011
RELIEF
i finally manned up and got HIV tested. i had been putting it off for being either busy or scared to find out the result. well, i am negative.
NEGATIVE!!! HUGE, huge relief. it's been 2.5 months since my exposure, so i am pretty confident this is a true negative. fyi, there is a window period for detection where it can be missed for as long as 6 months, but i am taking this result as a clean slate. a true clean slate this time...no more fucking around with unsafe sex. it just is not worth it, and the anxiety, fear and every emotion in between i've been dealing with since this latest exposure happened is more than enough. that all being said, i have to take this opportunity to soap box a little, both as a future doc and just as a regular guy facing the same risks and temptations we all do.
just don't fuck bareback.
(unless you completely, completely trust your partner is negative.)
we all know about HIV. i don't have to write a thousand-word essay to tell you all the bad things about it. unfortunately for whatever reason, HIV infection has actually increased in the past few years. the CDC has reported that the rate of new HIV infection is the highest in the under 30 population, probably the population most likely to be having unprotected sex, multiple partners, and probably the age group of a lot of the guys reading this blog.
everyone has their reasons for fucking without protection (i know i've had some very flimsy ones), but i doubt there's a single good one out there that is worth YOUR HEALTH. your own, insanely precious, immutable health. one thing i have definitely learned in medical school is how much we take for granted our good health and what a fucking gift it is to be healthy. why fuck it up for one, two, a few stupid loads?
i doubt anything i write could be that persuasive, but i thought i should try something as being a doctor is all about giving advice no one will listen to anyway. and i think one personally just has to get to that point to be responsible about one's sex practices---it's taken me awhile but i think i've finally gotten there.
bottom line, if you're not practicing safe sex already, just pause and think about it the next time. i know it's a completely different thing in the moment, but YOU, and your health, are just so much more valuable.
NEGATIVE!!! HUGE, huge relief. it's been 2.5 months since my exposure, so i am pretty confident this is a true negative. fyi, there is a window period for detection where it can be missed for as long as 6 months, but i am taking this result as a clean slate. a true clean slate this time...no more fucking around with unsafe sex. it just is not worth it, and the anxiety, fear and every emotion in between i've been dealing with since this latest exposure happened is more than enough. that all being said, i have to take this opportunity to soap box a little, both as a future doc and just as a regular guy facing the same risks and temptations we all do.
just don't fuck bareback.
(unless you completely, completely trust your partner is negative.)
we all know about HIV. i don't have to write a thousand-word essay to tell you all the bad things about it. unfortunately for whatever reason, HIV infection has actually increased in the past few years. the CDC has reported that the rate of new HIV infection is the highest in the under 30 population, probably the population most likely to be having unprotected sex, multiple partners, and probably the age group of a lot of the guys reading this blog.
everyone has their reasons for fucking without protection (i know i've had some very flimsy ones), but i doubt there's a single good one out there that is worth YOUR HEALTH. your own, insanely precious, immutable health. one thing i have definitely learned in medical school is how much we take for granted our good health and what a fucking gift it is to be healthy. why fuck it up for one, two, a few stupid loads?
i doubt anything i write could be that persuasive, but i thought i should try something as being a doctor is all about giving advice no one will listen to anyway. and i think one personally just has to get to that point to be responsible about one's sex practices---it's taken me awhile but i think i've finally gotten there.
bottom line, if you're not practicing safe sex already, just pause and think about it the next time. i know it's a completely different thing in the moment, but YOU, and your health, are just so much more valuable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)