Lately it seems like a lot of fellow bloggers have had the nuts to come out..ok not that many but it seems huge when they do. secrets started, CBC has as well (his was actually the first 'closet' blog i ever read so it's crazy to see his journey) , and of course my boy socrkid has been doing his thing for awhile now. Reading about all these experiences has been amazing and I have such tremendous respect for these guys. So obviously this has gotten me thinking about what it would be like to come out myself. I think at this point I'm pretty sure my orientation is towards men..yea I could marry a woman and have kids and do the white-picket fence and live a relatively content life, but I know I'd truly be happiest dedicating myself to another guy. (which is a bummer cuz I would love to have my own kid with a woman I was madly in love with..not to sound narcissistic but I got good genes I need to pass on!)
That being said, nowhere have I heard a "bad" coming out story. Overwhelmingly it seems the response is always positive..sure maybe a little surprise, but always supportive, and never has shit really gone through the roof, even in the most conservative places. And the guy who has come out is always pretty much happier after the fact. On the other hand, all of us damn closeted bloggers live in this miserable world of self-torment and doubt....and for what reason??? What have we got to lose???
I know that if I personally were to come out tomorrow, it probably wouldn't be that big a deal. Part of my concern has always been about some friends back home whom I've grown up with forever and love to death, but still post homophobic shit on fb and all that and maybe wouldn't be cool with it. So they'd have to either join the cultural competency of the 21st century or be out of my life. And as sad as that would be, fuck it, I only need to surround myself with positive energy and I know I would have enough love from true friends and family that I really could give a fuck what a handful of boors think about me (that's what I keep telling myself anyway). We live in the fucking 21st century in the United States of America...a country that has stood for freedom for 200+ years. The days to be afraid of being gay should not exist anymore.
I really feel like I'm at a crossroads right now. Especially starting out a new job, new city, new friends, there's always that feeling for a chance to reinvent yourself. I feel like I could do it...just establish it now and let people take it or leave it. At the same time I am starting out a new job, new city, new friends..do I really want to rock the boat now? I love it here so far, but I'm still feeling things out and unfortunately where I'm at now is a little more conservative than the city where I went to med school.
In medicine we always talk about risk versus benefit...for example the risk of going to surgery or not..the risk of a med versus its treatment benefit. So naturally I think about this the same way, and I've always just rationalized there were way too many risks to come out..too much change and potential harm to my life when I couldn't really see any benefits that would come of it. Now those risks, whether imagined, self-imposed, or real, seem to be way too small and the benefits so much huger.
I think what I just need is a man worth all this upheaval to be standing beside me and supporting me when I'm ready to come out..someone who I'd be proud to say yea, I fuck this guy and we're in love. I'm not much for dramatic declarations..it would be great to just bring a guy to a social function and introduce him as my boyfriend, partner whatever, as natural as that. So...where the heck can I find a guy like that??? haha fuck this is complicated.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
haha
News flash from one of my medical apps:
Levitra now 9 bucks a pop at Wal-Mart! Lowest price in the industry!
Just don't try to get a prescription from me...
Levitra now 9 bucks a pop at Wal-Mart! Lowest price in the industry!
Just don't try to get a prescription from me...
Monday, June 27, 2011
shout out
giving a shout out to a new blog on the web...i've been emailing this guy through my blog for awhile now and he seems like a real standup guy. he's dealing with some of the same issues about messing with guys and he finally decided to start his own blog to get his thoughts out there. i know he's got a lot of interesting stuff to share and i'm excited to read his future posts. check it out! it helps that his first post is about a hot college hook up hahaha.
http://pnwdude.blogspot.com/
http://pnwdude.blogspot.com/
Saturday, June 25, 2011
congrats NY
Props to NY. Maybe this will start to turn the tide of public opinion on gay marriage. I'm sure it was crazy in NYC last night. So the states where it's legal are CT, IA, MA, NH, VT, DC, and now NY...weird that there aren't any west coast states on there as those tend to be thought of as more liberal. Also how the hell did Iowa ever approve gay marriage haha.
I don't wanna soapbox too much (don't I do that enough on this blog) but I just don't get opponents of gay marriage!!!!!! They spend all this time money and energy fighting it when the hetero divorce rate is pretty shitty, kids are growing up in single parent households, teen pregnancy keeps rising, and let's not even get started on all the hypocrisy in the Catholic church. It just always makes me laugh when they're like "PROTECT FAMILIES, PROTECT MARRIAGE!" when broken hetero families are all around them! I don't get it.
Anyhoo, let's celebrate this not just as a milestone for gay rights, but as a milestone for equality and civil rights in American history. "We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union..."
I don't wanna soapbox too much (don't I do that enough on this blog) but I just don't get opponents of gay marriage!!!!!! They spend all this time money and energy fighting it when the hetero divorce rate is pretty shitty, kids are growing up in single parent households, teen pregnancy keeps rising, and let's not even get started on all the hypocrisy in the Catholic church. It just always makes me laugh when they're like "PROTECT FAMILIES, PROTECT MARRIAGE!" when broken hetero families are all around them! I don't get it.
Anyhoo, let's celebrate this not just as a milestone for gay rights, but as a milestone for equality and civil rights in American history. "We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union..."
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Modern Family
"Nobody wants to think, it's a graduation, a celebration of being done with thinking."
Very appropriate to describe my mindset since graduation. Gotta get back on the horse though 'cuz soon enough I will be officially working and writing orders as a resident MD. Yikes..
So that quote was from Modern Family, one of the few shows I keep up with. I started watching it at the recommendation of some classmates I was on rotation with last year, and while I am not usually an early adopter of a new show, after just one episode I was hooked. It's a very smart, well-written show and they manage to make old sitcom cliches fresh. And of course, it helps that Sofia Vergara is absolutely a stunning and gorgeous woman. If I could bag a woman like her I seriously would never touch a cock (aside from my own) again. Just so incredibly beautiful AND her character has probably become THE funniest character on the show. So that's one good reason to watch. (or two, haha)
The other relevant issue here is the gay couple on the show, both really funny characters. BUT.....while I am shocked and pleasantly surprised that a happy, functional gay couple could be portrayed on network TV, I am a little disappointed that especially in the second season as the character molds are solidfying, they are choosing to make the gay couple well....gay. Especially given how enormously successful the show has become (I think it's the #1 comedy now?), this is a real opportunity to show America that gay men could pretty much be any guy walking down the street. Unfortunately I feel like for either comedic reasons or otherwise, they are falling back on scripting the gay couple as the stereotype at large in the majority of the population..you know the sassy, hands-on-their-hips, flamer gays. Which is all fine and good, but as their characters become more entrenched in that stereotype, I wonder if their portrayal is really doing much to change the mindset of the unknowing, ignorant viewer whose concept of gay men is exactly that.
I love that the show is breaking ground by showing a normal, loving, human gay relationship (with an adopted kid to boot), but hate that they have to resort to certain stereotypes at the same time. I guess America can only handle so many paradigm shifts at one time. I do think by some of the little jokes they slip in the writers are aware of the limitations they face because of the broad audience they have to appeal to. And anyway it's not up to some stupid TV show to challenge whole perceptions of the public. That comes from their peers, like you and me, to show them how normal, how human it is to be homosexual; unfortunately I just still don't feel ready to be a living example of it.
Anyway check out the show though if you haven't, it's really funny!
Very appropriate to describe my mindset since graduation. Gotta get back on the horse though 'cuz soon enough I will be officially working and writing orders as a resident MD. Yikes..
So that quote was from Modern Family, one of the few shows I keep up with. I started watching it at the recommendation of some classmates I was on rotation with last year, and while I am not usually an early adopter of a new show, after just one episode I was hooked. It's a very smart, well-written show and they manage to make old sitcom cliches fresh. And of course, it helps that Sofia Vergara is absolutely a stunning and gorgeous woman. If I could bag a woman like her I seriously would never touch a cock (aside from my own) again. Just so incredibly beautiful AND her character has probably become THE funniest character on the show. So that's one good reason to watch. (or two, haha)
The other relevant issue here is the gay couple on the show, both really funny characters. BUT.....while I am shocked and pleasantly surprised that a happy, functional gay couple could be portrayed on network TV, I am a little disappointed that especially in the second season as the character molds are solidfying, they are choosing to make the gay couple well....gay. Especially given how enormously successful the show has become (I think it's the #1 comedy now?), this is a real opportunity to show America that gay men could pretty much be any guy walking down the street. Unfortunately I feel like for either comedic reasons or otherwise, they are falling back on scripting the gay couple as the stereotype at large in the majority of the population..you know the sassy, hands-on-their-hips, flamer gays. Which is all fine and good, but as their characters become more entrenched in that stereotype, I wonder if their portrayal is really doing much to change the mindset of the unknowing, ignorant viewer whose concept of gay men is exactly that.
I love that the show is breaking ground by showing a normal, loving, human gay relationship (with an adopted kid to boot), but hate that they have to resort to certain stereotypes at the same time. I guess America can only handle so many paradigm shifts at one time. I do think by some of the little jokes they slip in the writers are aware of the limitations they face because of the broad audience they have to appeal to. And anyway it's not up to some stupid TV show to challenge whole perceptions of the public. That comes from their peers, like you and me, to show them how normal, how human it is to be homosexual; unfortunately I just still don't feel ready to be a living example of it.
Anyway check out the show though if you haven't, it's really funny!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
MAVS WIN!!!
As I suspected, my last post was pretty much incomprehensible and I am sorry for waxing poetic. That's what a blog is for right??? But right now I gotta say congrats to the DALLAS MAVERICKS. I think everyone (with a soul) had to be rooting for the Mavs right? It was really a great series though; I only managed to catch game 5 and game 6 but damn, those were some good basketball games. Anyway I am really happy Dirk finally has a ring and I gotta give props to my new boy JJ BAREA!!! Hahahha man that guy is only 6' but he somehow manages to score some crazy shots. He looks so small on the court compared to those other 7'0 giants, but even 6'0 is pretty huge if you think about it (taller than my ass anyway lol) and he is pretty darn cute so more power to him. Since he is currently dating Miss Universe there is no hope that any guy will ever be sucking his dick but he is still a great ball player and a fun guy to admire so WHOO BOO HEAT! GO MAVS!
Seriously though, I have never really played team sports, so I can only imagine what a crazy feeling it is for someone like Dirk, who's worked like his entire life to win this championship, to finally achieve his goal. Congrats Mavs fans!
Seriously though, I have never really played team sports, so I can only imagine what a crazy feeling it is for someone like Dirk, who's worked like his entire life to win this championship, to finally achieve his goal. Congrats Mavs fans!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
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