happy vday!

first of all, happy valentine's day to all, whether you have someone to spend it with or not.

i personally do not. i haven't really done anything for valentine's for the past few years, which is cool with me. at work today i was looking forward to coming home and getting some productive things done and hitting the gym tonight. but seeing people with flowers and gifts on the way home kinda bummed me out and now i just feel like sitting in bed wallowing in self-pity for a few hours lol. haha nah i'm good, more power to anyone who's having a special 2/14. i however, will be spending it listening to sappy 80s love song off pandora. right now "promise" by when in rome is on lol.

so by now you've probably heard about the chris lee/craigslist debacle. if not, do a google search. short story even shorter, a middle-aged, married congressman fudged some details about himself and responded to some craigslist personal ad and sent the woman a shirtless pic of himself, all off his own personal email account. once the woman found out who he was and went public with what he did, he just about instantly resigned. i could get into my love-hate relationship with craigslist, but for the sake of my dignity i will refrain from going into much detail (for now) lol. but this story is all the more reason why i have done my best to avoid random hookups off that, or any other site now. thank god for the republicans he wasn't responding to gay personals. another self-loathing homo congressman is probably the last thing the GOP wants right now. anyway i'm not saying i'd do him, but chris lee has a pretty good body for 46. i definitely wouldn't mind having a body like that at 46 lol.

i can't decide if the internet has been a force of good or evil, at least in regards to closeted men. on one hand it's an invaluable escape valve for releasing male sexual energy, but at the same time it probably keeps guys from seriously confronting and coming to terms with their sexual orientation when they can just pop online and arrange a quick hook-up. but then again, i don't really know what closeted guys did before the internet--rest stops? backwood roads? i can't imagine that being a much better alternative.

OK, i could spend days pontificating on the morality of craigslist hooking up, but given that it is valentine's day and cl is generally a depressing place, i will save it for another day. make love, be happy, think positive thoughts, and believe in the power of love!

buzzed

i just came in from a night out and i am a little buzzed right now. it was a pretty fun night. hit up a few bars with my friends and ended up having enough drinks to get a good buzz and have a good time. i flirted with a few chicks, but didn't really go much further with them. i probably could have, but decided that it probably wouldn't be a good idea for a random hookup tonight. i think i actually got hit on by a guy too, which is unusual because i was at 'straight' places and i don't typically get hit on by guys. i guess his gaydar was on point, or maybe i'm just seeing everything through beer goggles and taking anyone talking to me as an attempt to get in my pants lol. anyway it was fun, but bottom line i am here in bed alone and not having sex so you can judge yourself how much success i really had tonight lol.

but dude, one thing i wanted to write about before i head to bed is what a pet peeve phones are for me. i feel like people are so controlled by their phones. every few minutes inevitably someone is pulling out their phone to check something. call me old-fashioned, but i think it's pretty rude to do that when you're in someone else's company. unfortunately it's so commonplace that i think people don't think it's a big deal. it is incredibly obvious when you're out though. i guess most people have somewhere else they'd rather be 'cuz if you look around you'll see that pale blue glow of a cell phone and someone furiously texting an unknown party. i mean, if you're out and you're not enjoying the company of the people you're with, why the fuck are you there in the first place? i'm definitely not 100% innocent and i've had my fair share of furtive booty call texts i try to answer when i'm out, but it's definitely a little ridiculous how addicted people are to their cell phone. 

so i'm not a huge fan of jerry seinfeld but this clip about cell phones is pretty good. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYDA7__znfY&feature=related

tomorrow's friday night, so if you're going out, just try to keep your cell phone deep in your pocket the whole night and observe how many people you can find in the bar looking to see what blackberry or iphone commands them to do lol. 

aaron rodgers

i'm not a diehard football fan, but i wanted to share this article i read today about aaron rodgers. http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs/2010/columns/story?id=6076694

i just love reading about athletes who are down to earth, don't let getting famous get to their head, and are still good guys at heart. (there was a similar rick reilly column about derrick rose you should check out too). this article makes rodgers sound like a pretty cool guy. and who knew, apparently he's one of them super smart jocks and gets all the jeopardy questions right! my litmus test for anyone is whether or not i think i'd want to get a beer with them, and rodgers definitely sounds like the kind of guy who'd be fun to go out for a drink with. i do think his belt celebration thing is pretty lame, but i'll cut him some slack on that lol. so even though i think the packers are the underdog this sunday i'm gonna be rooting for them to win. isn't everyone sick of steeler nation at this point anyway?

PS stay safe if you're in an area getting slammed by the winter storm. this winter has suckeddddddddddd.

cruising...

ok, my brain is ready for take off. i'm about ready to check out until graduation. not that i don't want to learn anymore and improve my medical knowledge, but there are a lot of movies i haven't seen and many tv shows i have to catch up on. it's kinda crazy that i have just 3 more months of formal schooling left before i am set loose on the world. anyway, i'm not the best at playing hooky as my baseline sense of guilt is too high usually, but i know many tactics from my friends that i will be trying out this month to get out of work early.....

i guess i shouldn't be writing about how much work us medical students try to get out of. kinda makes you lose faith in the medical profession right? i actually would love to know what the perception of doctors is nowadays. sure there's a certain amount of respect for the field still, but i think with all the malpractice anecdotes, long waits, healthcare reform/insurance issues, and plastic surgeon glamor docs on tv etc etc etc, a certain amount of distrust has been bred among the public. which i'm all for, as you as the patient shouldn't wholly place blind trust in your docs, but there is a fine line of patient autonomy, where i think many docs are getting tired of patients thinking they know best, when we're the ones who have worked our butts off to get this far and be shown no respect by patients and their families. it's just a very very fine line of mutual respect nowadays i guess. anyway as far as i know, all my non-medical friends are excited and proud that i'm graduating soon, so there's still hope that not everyone, myself included, is all jaded about medicine!

alright that tangent aside, i was very depressed to see that the blog i plugged the other day, (ajokelife.tumblr.com) got taken down by the author. that guy was so freaking funny and the blog just disappeared. i can only imagine something negative happened to him and that's why he took it down. maybe he got cyberstalked or something. hopefully not, and i pray for his return one day...

speaking of which, another blog i followed for awhile closed too, and again, no clue what happened to it. (fratclosetcase.blogspot.com) it was a closet frat guy's blog..the guy actually was a little semi-detailed about his closet stuff, at least enough that someone at his school maybe could peace things together and blow his cover or something. the internet is so fucking crazy nowadays with things going viral and things like that. anyway, if anyone knows what happened to these blogs i'd love to know.

that's it for now, just felt like expounding some random thoughts before i head to bed.

gun show!

i'm not one to lust after athletes, male or female, but i saw this picture of clay matthews on espn today and i was pretty damn impressed. apparently he was really skinny in high school, which is pretty hard to believe looking at him now. i'm not a juicehead or anything (man...jersey shore is invading my vocabulary, what is the world coming to), but i definitely think anyone can appreciate arms like these. anyway enjoy the eye candy if you're into ridiculously huge biceps.



by the way, as much as i like how the packers have looked in the playoffs, i think the steelers will win it 17-14.

relationships

one thing that has me hesitant to throw myself all in to the homo boat is whether or not i could have a real, meaningful relationship with another guy. i know sexuality is supposed to be a spectrum, and while i have had my fair share of man-on-man sex, i don't know if i could ever emotionally commit to another man. i've definitely had hookup buddies/friends with benefits whom i've liked and enjoyed spending time with, but could i ever get into a full-on relationship? i'm not sure. i just don't even know what that situation would be like. at least the way i've had my encounters with gay sex, it's always been kinda the 'get naked first, ask questions later' situation and the whole traditional getting to know you thing has gone out the window. and what does being in a relationship with another guy entail? the whole notion just seems very foreign to me, even though it obviously wouldn't be much different than any other normal committed relationship. there's always that joke about straight guys having bromances, so i guess it wouldn't be much different than that, except for what happens in the bedroom  haha.

the more i think about it, the more i'm definitely intrigued by the possibility. i've always been more of a gestalt kind of guy, and i think if i met a guy and really liked him, and he also wanted to pursue a relationship, i think i would be open to it. hopefully that would be someone in the same situation as me who would be charting similar uncharted waters. as much as i admire openly gay men for being out and confident and all that instead of dealing with all the fucked up issues of us closet cases, a relationship with an openly gay guy would probably be the equivalent of a may-december romance in terms of maturity.

anyway i doubt i'm going to be finding any eligible men, so i guess i'm just putting the idea out there to myself. some guys in the past, i probably was holding back any real emotions i may have had and was just kinda riding it for the physical part, but at heart i am really a relationship kind of guy. and it sure as hell is nice to sleep next to someone at night!!!!

edit: just caught up on some other blogs i follow. coincidentally this guy explored the same concept in one of his posts. link here some of the user comments seem pretty harsh! at least from my perspective. just more food for thought that just makes me not want to confront the issue period...i'm such a wimp.

happy 2011!

first, i have something important to say. immediately start following this blog. http://ajokelife.tumblr.com/ i came across it the other day and it is infinitely better than mine. this guy is hilarious, and he keeps his updates short, sweet, and pretty freaking funny. doesn't hurt that he is also pretty cute haha. i think he is canadian, that must be part of his charm. either way, i am sure he gets e-hit-on aplenty.

damn i am already doing a horrible job of updating this blog. i thought i'd have more time during the holidays, but of course the holidays end up being crazier than regular life, and now i am back to the regular life grind where time is always short, even as a 4th year. if you're not familiar with how medical school works, let me summarize:

pre-med school: you work your ass off in college and/or post-college to get into medical school because it is a hyper-competitive hellhole. (although with the doc shortages nationwide they could probably stand to be less exclusive)
1st and 2nd years: you study your ass off 24/7 as you learn an exorbitant amount of info in too short a time, then binge drink every few weeks after a test, thus wiping your memory clean.
3rd year: you get thrown into the clinical setting, aka the hospitals and the real world, and you learn to play the game of navigating the hospital hierarchy. (think the tv show scrubs)
4th year: you spend the first half stressing about getting a residency position job for after graduation. then once all the applications and interviews are over in the second half you turn off your brain until graduation.

this being early january, most of my fellow 4th years are finishing up interviews and getting ready to check out mentally, if they haven't already. it's funny because whereas in 3rd year, you are so worried about making a good impression and looking like the model student to get a good grade, in 4th year you really couldn't care less and you're just trying to scheme ways out of work ASAP. anyway, i have a few interviews left and i am almost ready for my turn to check out, but not quite there yet.

as far as other stuff, i am still paranoid as hell i have HIV. haven't had any more alarm symptoms, but of course that means nothing. i actually have a few new year's resolutions related to my sex life, which i may or may not share in a later post. some of them are hilariously ridiculous that i even have to make a resolution like that, but you can judge for yourself. anyway, that's all i want to say for now. gotta work on keeping these damn entries short!